#but good god his delivery fucking sucked

[eversncenewyork]

oh well

[stupitunclehal]

thinking about the way rufus talks to dimitri. becoming very sad. the absolute brutality that is inflicting this treatment on a twelve year old child for six years when you are the last living relative he has, when he’s not allowed to leave your line of sight, when you’re either actively supporting or turning a blind eye to attempts on his life, when he’s literally losing it and every paranoid and self-loathing impulse is being reinforced by worsening psychosis.

the fact that this is something dimitri internalizes and something that becomes a core facet of how he perceives himself. it’s reinforced in everything from how felix speaks to him (yes, ofc, I understand felix himself is processing some horrific things as well) to how he’s treated by bystanders even when he’s putting his best foot forward.

a few snippets in 3hopes show that, even when he’s generally popular and he’s a very good and proper young man, people are still afraid of him (largely bc of his brute strength and status). note that and then the way he behaves throughout the academy phase in 3houses and what you’ll see him say in side iterations (some of the quotes in heroes, for instance). he offers to help with manual labour, errands, anything that benefits from his strength that is not related to killing.

fuck you, rufus; he didn’t but dimitri should have torn your head from your shoulders in AM. fucking cocksucker.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Musician Age Gap AU Pt 4

Dropping Esme off at home turns into more than just a simple kiss and ride. She parks and walks Esme to the front door. The tears had petered out halfway home, but it had left Esme shaky and exhausted. And when Alex opens the door to welcome them home, she can barely get out a "how was it?" before Esme bursts into fresh tears and darts up the stairs to her bedroom.

Alex watches her daughter go, then turns back to Kara with an accusatory look. Kara sighs. "It's a long story."

"I'll put the kettle on."

Over tea, Kara gives her sister the rundown of the evening-- omitting certain bits of her own exhanges with Lena. By the end, Alex is stunned, but heartbroken for her daughter.

"The highest of highs, and lowest of lows," Alex moans. "I was already going to call her out of school tomorrow, but now I really need to."

Kara nods. "I hope she'll remember the night more for what actually happened than the fact she lost the pictures of it. She really did have a good time, til she realized."

"What a night," Alex sighs. "Well, thank you for stepping in. I know she appreciated the time with you, in any case."

"Yeah," Kara nods. "Me too."

"You should come over more. She's not the only one who misses you."

"Alex..."

"You're not the only busy, I get that, but it sucks being the only one to reach out."

Kara closes her eyes. They've had variations of this conversation before, but it didn't make it any easier to hear. It's been busy lately, the last few years. And she knows she's missing out on key times with Esme, but... she's never been very good at juggling.

"I know." Then, "I should go. I'll call the venue in the morning, see if maybe one of the cleaning crew finds the phone and turns it in to lost and found or something."

All Alex can do is nod. "Thanks."

All thoughts of the ticket in her pocket disappears until the next day. Her calls to the arena have been fruitless-- no one had found anything, and no amount of cajoling or bribery could make them devote manpower to look for it. So when she's emptying her pockets to run a load of laundry, she's so frustrated she's willing to chuck it into the sun.

Until she sees a loop of a swoopy letter written on it, half hidden by a folded crease. Puzzled, Kara smooths it out and flips it over-- and finds a phone number written across its face in silver sharpie.

Stunned, Kara stares at the offending digits.

"What the fuck?"

---

It's probably her manager, Kara reasons. Or her assistant, at the very least. But when she punches the number into her phone, driven by the echo of her promise to Esme in her ears, she instantly recognizes the voice that answers.

"Hello?"

Kara's mouth goes dry. "Uhhhhhh.... hi? Shit. I mean--"

"I'm glad you called," Lena interrupts smoothly. "I have a phone here that's sorely missing its owner."

"Oh thank god," Kara releases with a heavy sigh. "Thank you."

"Sorry we weren't able to catch you before you left. I didn't see it until late."

"Esme was heartbroken," Kara tells her, unnecessarily. "You've saved a life."

"Her life? Or yours?" There's a tease in Lena's voice.

Kara grins. "Both. Definitely both."

A chuckle rumbles across the line. "Well, how can we get this to you?"

"Oh, if you could ship it..."

"No need," Lena says simply. "We're in town for another day or so. Is there a place we can deliver it?"

Kara blinks, surprised. "Um, sure. I'll be at my office in an hour."

"Perfect."

Kara rattles off the address to her, then books it to the office, determined not to miss the delivery. She stays on edge for the first hour, but soon finds herself distracted by her work-- until her assistant knocks tentatively on her door before poking her head in.

One look at Eve's baffled and somewhat dazed expression sends a bolt of electricity down Kara's spine.

"Miss Danvers? Um... there's someone here to see you. She-- she says its a personal delivery?"

Kara is already on her feet. "I'll take care of it. Thank you, Eve."

"It's--"

"I know," Kara assures her.

"You... know her?"

Kara sighs. "It's complicated."

She makes her way to the lobby, finding Lena Luthor leaning casually against the front desk, completely unbothered by the gazes peeking at her from between frosted sections of the glass walls.

"If you'd have told me you planned to bring it yourself, I would've given you a different address," Kara says drolly. Lena looks up at her with a puckish grin. "You're about to give the entire office an aneurysm."

"Sorry, not sorry." Entirely unapologetic, Lena straightens, pushing softly away from the desk to face Kara directly.

Kara folds her arms across her chest, unable to help the smile spreading across her own features. Lena lifts an eyebrow, retrieving Esme's phone from her back pocket to waggle it teasingly.

"Thank you...." Kara reaches for it, only for Lena to tilt it out of reach. Kara rolls her eyes. "What?"

"I'm... gonna be honest," Lena drags out, smirking. "I didn't come here with truly altruistic purposes."

Kara resettles her weight, cocking one hip. "This is becoming a pattern with you, Miss Luthor."

"I'm only human, you know." She taps Esme's phone on her chin. "And I'm not above taking a teenager's phone hostage, if it gets me a coffee with a gorgeous woman."

Bold. Entirely *too* bold. But Kara can't quite bring herself to mind.

"You have me at a disadvantage," she returns. "I really need that phone."

"Then a coffee with a charming lady seems to be in your very near future."

Kara rolls her eyes. "Let me grab my purse."

Lena waits patiently, and Kara doesn't bother pausing to explain a damn thing to anyone. It's none of their business, and right now she's a woman on a mission.

To get her goddaughter's phone.

And absolutely nothing else.

[keeheauxtales]

🔞 clip it & ship it MDNI

inspired by: x x x x

pairing: Keeho ➞ fem!bodied reader

content warnings: masturbation (featuring the use of a certain toy), [LOTS of] dirty talk (I’m gonna end up hitting a record in the number of ellipses (…) I use 👀) there will likely be hella grammatical inaccuracies, and I'm trying so hard not to give a fuck.

POV: Keeho sends a special video message… after you sent him a very special picture!

“I woke up hard as fuck… thinking about… fucking you…” Keeho groans, squeezing his hardened shaft while his wrist glides up and down his length in between everything he says. Dark, hooded eyes take a quick glance up at his phone gripping his other hand, making sure the camera app is recording what he wants it to.

“Then…” Keeho licks his lips before continuing, “you send me that pretty pussy that I love and miss so much… fuck…” He rolls his eyes behind his eyelids, simultaneously rolling his hips upward meditating on the half-naked photo you spontaneously sent him just moments prior.

“I wanna kiss you… wanna taste you… I want my fingers inside so bad…” Both you and him know how much it drives you wild whenever his fingers are even on you, let alone inside you. And to be fair, it does something to him too, hearing those pleasurable sounds escape from between your lips. The mere thought of it – as well as the absence of it at this very moment – causes him to subconsciously recreate some of those same moans himself.

He curses into the air several times before his attention returns to the device that’s been capturing his every move. “You see how hard I am, baby..? F-fuck – you see what you fucking do to me?” Keeho’s pitch rises with just about every word uttered, and surprisingly for him, his dick gradually does the same damn thing, and with precum for added effect!

“This dick wants to fuck… into you so deep… and hard…” Keeho begins to thrust up into his hand, matching the pace with the breathy delivery of his words. “Damn it. Want you… Need that pussy around me, baby…”

“This is not gonna be enough, shit!” He spits out before sitting up in his bed. Opting to put the phone down, he quickly gets up to retrieve the only thing he consistently uses other than his hands whenever you're not around – his fleshlight.

“Fuck, there it is," Keeho proclaims before he's back on the bed, repositioning the angle of his recording. He spits on his hand, resuming its position on his dick to lubricate it. He blindly runs his middle finger along a vein that's made its focused appearance onto the video. His thumb then brushes against his balls, and the rapid set of whimpers that escape startle him. A few moments are spent with his entire hand groping his nutsack, causing him to begin grinding into the air.

Keeho managed to gain some clarity on his surroundings, grabbing the pocket pussy in a slightly hurried state. The air he was humping was quickly replaced with the toy sucking in his member with terrible ease. “This feels so fucking good… Not near as good as you, though… Definitely not as warm… or wet… Oh fuck…” He immediately pushes the toy up and down his now leaking cock harder and faster for more friction.

“I wish you were here, babygirl… grinding and bouncing that tight, juicy cunt on me, oh god… Fuck, I miss you so fucking much!” His hips thrust upward a bit aggressively as he grunted out the end of that confession, and he’s not sure how much more he can take of this before he releases.

He takes the quickest of pauses to raise his shirt up past his chest, the hem captured by his teeth before proceeding his fucking into the fleshlight. On camera, the sight of his glistening, golden skin and his nipples that appear to be almost as hard as his throbbing, slicked dick even turns Keeho on.

After several deep, muffled moans leave his mouth, he lets go of his shirt completely, his pecs keeping it up and out of the way. “Babygirl… I’m so close… Yeah… I’m gonna cum… Do you think you can cum with me, baby?”

Something about the fact that he can only imagine what this particularly pleasing sight of him this close to his climax could be doing to you and your wellbeing absolutely fucks him up. The way you could be dangerously within striking distance of that knot in your stomach bursting urges Keeho on immensely. Since he was your muse, he desperately wants you to be his in this moment.

“Please, cum… Yes, baby; cum for me while I nut in this… fucking… pussy… Oh my god, yeah babe… Yeah… fuck!!” Your name being ejaculated as he shot off into his fleshlight, soiling the toy like it was your hole personally.

Keeho let the moment linger for a while, eyes shut the entire time his orgasm washed over him. He was still breathing heavy when his eyes did open, the toy hole having long since neglecting him – unlike your penetrable wetness probably. He picks it up and gives it a look before angling it – and the mess he made on it – toward his phone.

"You see this shit, angel? You got me losing my fucking mind. This," he tilts the phone downward, showcasing the wet spots on his thighs and bed sheets, "is what you do to me."

[scaryscarecrows]

Jason wakes up to breathing and for three terrible seconds thinks, God how long has he been here what's he done to me please no--

Wait.

Wait, wait. There's multiple people, which is not unheard of but is also not typical. At least, not without chuckles. Joker's goons suck at shutting up. Okay. One point in the What the Hell box.

He's on a bed. That's point two. Decent thread count in the sheets, smells like Tide, firm-but-not-too-firm mattress. Hotel?

Everything hits him at once after that realization and he finally shudders back to reality. Gotham. Out of Gotham. Some hotel in fuck knows where. Domino's delivery. Everyone had, at some point, been watching something about the most venomous animals on the earth, but now he hears what sounds like QVC. He's curled into a ball, fingers fisted in something soft; t-shirt. Someone's got a tight grip on his sweatshirt and there's another hand flung haphazardly over his shoulder.

The deep, rusty-engine breathing a few feet behind him is Ages. The hand on his shoulder is Dylan--it's too small and tense to belong to anyone else. If he moves, it'll probably smack him out of reflex. Drouot's the one gripping his shirt; probably for the best, because it feels like if he rolls backward he'll fall. Whacking his head on the nightstand or the gross hotel floor is not something he needs right now.

He should move. Dylan's reflexes are good, but Jason's pretty sure he can untangle himself enough to disappear back to his room.

But.

S'just.

He's safe. He's comfortable enough. He's got people he trusts between him and the entrances to this room, and damn if he's not still reeling from...from, frankly, everything.

Fuck it. He has no idea what time it is, he's still knocked on his ass from Scarecrow's shit (three days, four, six? what day is it now, has he lost time again?), he's safe enough.

He curls into a tighter ball out of habit more than anything--yep, there's the smack--and sighs. To hell with it. He'll deal with the consequences later, but he's not moving.

[miss-oranje-disco-dancer]

slippery when wet

pairing: post re8! chris x reader

cw: fingering, thigh grinding, thumb sucking, reader is frothing at the mouth (metaphorically)

summary: reader applies to babysit chris' child (he's rose's legal guardian in this one), and she's v into her boss. one day, she ends up in nothing but chris' shirt when her clothes are in the laundry.

a/n: title not inspired by the bon jovi album (doesn't really fit the vibe, despite having some bangers)

wc: 2.4k

“Jobs that don’t require a degree”. You type it into the search bar for the millionth time this week. Grocery store clerk, delivery driver, server, you’ve tried them all. And quit them all. You’re going to have to settle for working as a coal miner soon - and you’re a 21 year old girl who lives nowhere near a coal mine. 

Babysitter. You’ve done it before, when you were younger. In fact, as exhausting as the job was, you were actually pretty good at it. Maybe you could even get a referral from your neighbors. The job posting was on a local message board online. The pay looked like a sweet deal - top tier babysitter pay. Could probably hire a nice German or Spanish or Russian au pair and make your kid bilingual, but these parents chose to ask your town of American idiots to apply. Parent, singular - not even parent - you come to find. He’s her legal guardian, which probably means her parents are dead or in prison but you don’t think it’s appropriate to ask such invasive questions at your interview. Not if you want the job, at least. And you really want the job. 

The interview is surprisingly casual, which is good because it’s not like you own business attire. You expected this: a young woman with a tired - and very forced, almost pained - smile comes to the door holding the cranky child while the dad shakes your hand on the way out to spend the day with his buddies from college. Their attempt to quell their marriage problems by getting a sitter will not get them off their track to divorce.

But it doesn’t go like that at all. A man - older than you’d think a new father should be, but far from elderly - opens the door. (honestly, if he were elderly, then you’d be whatever the opposite of a cradle-robber is. A nursing home robber?). Mr. Legal Guardian tall, muscular, kind of intimidating, but also incredibly sexy. He could choke you out but you’d get wet if he tried. Actually, you’d probably soak his nice hardwood floors if he so much as touched you since all he’s done is shake your hand and you’ll probably need to change your panties when you get home. 

Either you’re good at hiding your feelings or he couldn’t care less about the fact that you’re trying very hard to keep eye-contact and avoid the overwhelming urge to look and see if you can tell what he’s packing through the pants he has on. 

“I’m Chris Redfield. Nice to meet you,” he says and you’re really hoping that you said your own name in response and not what you were thinking which was “Oh god, please fuck me, Mr. Redfield, I don’t care about the job anymore”. 

You’re pretty sure you kept that thought on the inside because he seems to think this situation is totally normal and ignores the obvious sexual tension - or maybe it’s just you and there’s no real tension. Maybe you need to buy one of those fancy Hitachi wands and fix the leaky faucet downstairs. You’d need money for that. Money… Oh, right, you can get a job! How convenient. 

You keep the conversation going because you want to hear him talk, you want to burn it onto a CD in your brain and play it on the car ride home. No, you’d crash if you did that. 

He tells you the baby girl’s name is Rosemary.

“That’s a pretty name. How did you decide on it?” Or did your wife choose it? Was the divorce bad? Or is she dead? 

“I didn’t. Her parents did. I don’t know if it was her mom or her dad’s choice,” he says, matter-of-factly. “I think it’s a good name, too,” he follows up with, “Mostly, everyone just calls her Rose, though.”

“It’s probably easier. I’d imagine it’d be hard for a baby to say ‘Rosemary’.” You realize you know very little about child development. “Can she talk?”

“Some. Only small sentences and she still pronounces half of what she’s trying to say wrong, but she usually gets the point across. She calls me ‘Dada’ because it’s easier to say than ‘Chris’.”

Is she gonna call me ‘Mama’? Does she need a stepmom… or whatever? Anyway, can you please, please have sex with me, Mr. Redfield? If you don’t get dick soon, they’ll have to institutionalize you.

You must’ve done way better than you thought because you got the job. You’re lucky that Rose is more well-behaved than most babies you’ve met. 

She does call you ‘Mama’, though. 

You bring a change of clothes to work every day because babies don’t know how to avoid making a mess of everything they get their little fingers on. Rose is pretty tidy for a kid her age, but her favorite food is ketchup, so half of your wardrobe is stained red by the second week of work. 

One day, she’s sitting in your lap holding a sippy cup of apple juice with a lid you were sure you’d closed, but as it turned out, it had not been screwed on right and the bottom of your shirt as well as your jeans end up soaked in apple juice. You only have yourself to blame. 

You brush off the issue to the kid because you don’t want to upset her, but you hate being sticky. She’s lucky she gets a bath. You don’t think Chris would appreciate finding you in his bathtub, playing with rubber duckies, unfortunately. 

Once Rose is in new, dry clothes, Chris walks in the door. Rose reaches out to him and he picks her up. He notices the wet patch on your jeans and you realize how it looks when he raises an eyebrow. 

“Did you piss yourself?” 

“No!” 

You’re about to explain the apple juice spill situation when Rose chimes in, repeating what Chris said, without any idea what she’s saying. 

The way he groans makes it seem like it’s not the first time she’s picked up bad language. “Those aren’t nice words. Don’t repeat them.” Chris tries to remain serious, but you’re both holding back laughter. 

“It’s just apple juice,” you clarify, “My fault, not hers.”

“Do you need new clothes?”

“In theory,” you say because you do, but you don’t want to impose. 

Rose yawns and Chris says, “How about you put her down and I will find something else for you to wear?”

“Okay,” you say because it’s shorter than, “No, no, you don’t have to do that.” Plus, he will inevitably insist that “Yes, yes, he has to do that.”

Rose is reluctant to go to bed without saying goodnight to ‘Dada’. Luckily, he joins the both of you in her bedroom, holding clothes for you. 

“Here,” he says, “I don’t have any pants that’ll fit you, but I think this shirt will probably go down to your knees.”

“Thanks,” you say, taking the shirt. 

“No problem,” he says, “Go change and bring me your clothes so I can wash them.”

You nod and walk into the hall bathroom. Chris is right - the shirt is about mid-thigh length, so as long as you don’t bend over, you’re covered. It was probably a bad day to wear a thong to work, though. Or maybe it was a great day to do just that. Glass half-full?

You find Chris in the hallway and you give him a slew of apologies and thank you’s because you feel bad that he’s doing your laundry. He dismisses them all kindly, but the look in his eye has changed - scrutinizing, yet amused. 

“Normally, I would say, ‘you’re free to go’, but -”

Am I getting punished? God, fuck, yes, please. 

“- You probably shouldn’t wear that out.”

You look down at your state of dress - or undress, depending on how you look at it. Yeah, you definitely shouldn’t go out like that.

“You can if you want,” he says, “but you’re welcome to stay at least until your clothes dry.”

“That’s probably a good idea.”

You’re standing awkwardly in his living room when he says, “You know you can sit down, right?”

You sit down next to him on the couch - an appropriate distance away, of course. There’s an awkward silence while you try not to stare at him. 

“Why are you so nervous? You’re acting like you’ve never been here before,” he says.

“For one thing, I’m not wearing pants right now. And, two, I’ve never been here while you’re here. I’m always here alone with Rose.”

“Do I make you nervous?” His smile says he knows more than you think. 

“No, not really.”

“Not really?”

You smile and nod. 

“Rose told me something she heard you say while I was gone…” “Oh shit. Did I swear in front of her? I try not to do that.”

He shakes his head. “She said, ‘Dada is sexy’, and as you can imagine, I was curious as to where she heard that…” He doesn’t finish his sentence, but his eyebrow is raised. He knows.

Your heart is beating out of your chest and you can feel your face flushing. 

“She must’ve heard that from someone else,” you lie. 

“Who else would’ve said it?”

“I bet most people think you’re sexy. I mean, look at you, it seems like the most obvious conclusion any normal person would come to.” You shrug, trying to play it off as if you didn’t just reveal yourself entirely. 

“So, you didn’t say anything about my attractiveness in front of Rose, but you do think I’m ‘sexy’? Am I correct?”

“Is this a trick question?”

“No, it’s a rhetorical question.”

You’d bolt out of the room if you had pants on, but now - wearing nothing but Chris’ t-shirt and a thong? It looks like you’ve already slept with him. 

You try to form a sentence, but much like Rose, all you can do is echo Chris’ words. “Do you think I’m sexy?” you ask. 

“Much more so than you were when I walked in - you know, with apple juice all over you.”

“So, you do feel the same way about me?”

“Correct.”

He looks like he’s thinking, considering next moves, but you’re already scooting closer to him on the couch. He hums in approval. He picks you up and puts you in his lap. 

“Do you wa-” He tries to say, but you cut him off with a kiss and he takes it in stride. One of his hands rests on the back of your head and the other is on your waist. His tongue is in your mouth and you think you can feel him getting hard, which makes you wetter than you already were, and now you’re really considering if this thong was of any use at all. Guess one more thing needs a wash. 

Chris reaches between your thighs like a psychic, though he acts surprised at how aroused you are. “Are you always this wet?”

“No, not always.” Liar.

“I’ll take it as a compliment then.”

As he should. 

His hands snake their way under your - his - t-shirt and find your tits. His fingertips brush your nipples and you absent-mindedly start to grind on him, longing for any friction you can get. You’ll ruin his pants at this point. Another load of laundry to do. 

He takes your hips and positions you on his thigh. 

“This should help,” he says. 

Out of embarrassment, you halt the movement of your hips. 

“What? It seemed like you wanted to get off and I’m not going to stop you.”

He acts nonchalant but it borders on teasing because you can see the amusement in his eyes. Maybe he’s not used to desperate little girls like you. 

You grip his shoulders to steady yourself - if you’re going to pathetically grind on this man’s thigh, you’re going to do it right - and you resume your back and forth pattern. You catch a glimpse of the smirk on his face and you let your head drop, not allowing yourself to look him in the eye. There’s no way you’d be able to continue like that. He lifts your chin, but it’s not to force your eyes back on him - he kisses you again, more passionately this time. Not romantic passion, the sexy, sloppy kind. You pull back first to catch your breath. Maybe it’s just nerves, but this whole thigh-riding activity is doing a number on you. Chris takes note of your struggle and puts his hands on your hips, taking on half of the work. Somehow, he does a better job than you, and if he’s this good at something so simple, you wonder about his other skills. 

“Suck,” he says simply, putting his thumb between your lips. 

In that moment, you discover your oral fixation - and Chris is observant enough to recognize it too. 

“Good girl,” he says, removing his thumb from your mouth and using it to rub your clit. He really didn’t need the lubrication and he must’ve known that. Admittedly, you’re a bit disappointed when he takes his thumb away from you. 

“It seemed like you were enjoying that,” he says, rubbing his other thumb over your bottom lip. You open your mouth and hope he won’t make you beg for it. “You’re lucky I have two hands.”

He flips you around so that you’re sitting in his lap with your back pressed against his chest. He returns his thumb to your mouth before you can grab it and shove it back in there yourself. You are lucky he has two hands, you come to fine, when he begins pumping two of his fingers in and out of you while rubbing your clit simultaneously. You moan around the finger in your mouth and he can tell you’re getting close. 

“Gonna cum for me?” he asks. 

You hum and nod frantically as your orgasm approaches quickly. Your inner walls clench and release as you gush around his fingers. When you come down from your high, you notice that you’ve left a considerable wet patch on the couch and on Chris’ pants.

“Don’t worry. We can do another load of laundry after this one’s finished,” he says. He checks the time and then says, “It looks like we have about 25 more minutes until the washing machine’s done. What do you want to do until then?”

“Depends? How much laundry detergent do you have left?”

[gemini-sensei]

@sensei-venus I just got a chaotic af idea for gremlin!Reader. What if she had a cryptic pregnancy? (cw: birth scene, blood)

Like she never knows or even suspects it at all. Then one day when she's home alone, she starts having this awful tightness and pain in her belly and pelvis. Then it passes and she thinks it's okay, but it continues to happen again and again throughout the day. She hates hospitals and doctors so she refuses to go to one and tough it out.

When she realizes it's labor ain't and contractions, it's too late to do anything about it. She has to push. So as the boss-ass queen she is, she delivers her baby on her own. She pushes a good five or six times before he slides out onto her bed. She struggles to sit up but does it anyway to get her baby in her arms, pat his back, and get him breathing. He starts crying so loud that it shocks her. She gets him cleaned up as best she can and lays him on her chest, hoping to calm him down.

All these little baby delivery things she's learned from listening to Moon's midwifery stories. So naturally when things calm down a bit, she calls Moon and is like "Hey, so I just had a baby."

And Moon is like "Haha, that's so funny, Reader."

"No, I'm serious, Moon, I need you to come here now."

She speaks with a certain urgency that's far from her normal, playful tone. It's how Moon knows she's serious and she grabs up everything in her kit and goes to Hawk and Reader's house. Luckily she knows where the spare key is hidden and she gets inside. She finds Reader in her bedroom with the tiniest baby she's ever laid eyes on sucking on her tit. The room is a fucking mess, especially the bed sheets since they're covered in blood and other bodily fluid. Reader doesn't have anything to cut the umbilical cord with so she and the baby as still very much attached.

"Oh my god, how did you... oh my god." Moon can't contain her shock. She's only ever heard of cryptic pregnancies at this point in her career and she never imagined she'd encounter one.

Moon knows about Reader aversion to hospitals, so she doesn't even bring it up. She doesn't want to stress Reader out more than she probably already is stressed out. So she calmly comes over to sit beside Reader, gathers up the messy sheets, and throws them aside so they can at least get some clean sheets in there.

"Sometimes it's hard for first-time moms to get babies to latch on," she says, watching the tiny baby hungrily suckle on his mama's tit. "How'd you manage this?"

Reader kind of shrugs. "I don't know... when he started crying again, I just kinda knew he was hungry and did it."

Reader's voice is so soft and it's a different side of her that Moon hasn't seen before. She's still their gremlin of the group, she's sure, but Reader is so tired after the surprise labor that she really can't expect more of her. Still, Moon takes it as a sign that Reader is going to be a great mama despite not being ready for a baby whatsoever.

As Moon does everything she needs to - cut the umbilical cord, clean up Reader, check the baby - they talk about how this all happened. Reader explains how she had no idea about any of this, she never even had a suspicion. Then she tells her about how much it hurt, how scared she was, and how when she finally realized what had to be happening, she just had to do it. Moon tells her how proud of her she is for staying calm during the whole ordeal and how strong she is. Having a baby is a lot on the body and labor is intense, but she's done so well.

While she's checking the baby, he gets a little fussy when taken away from his mama. However, as soon as Moon starts talking to him, he calms down. He knows that sweet voice. This is one of his mama's friends.

Moon brought everything she could possibly need for the occasion and she's happy to report his good health. "He appears fully developed and perfectly healthy. Good job, mama."

She also brought a number of baby things for Reader, like a few clothes and a blanket, so she wraps him up to stay warm as soon as he's all checked out and cleaned up. Things calm down again and the pair talk about everything they can about having a new baby around. Then they hear the front door open and shut.

"Hey, babe! I'm home!"

It's Hawk. And it's at that moment Reader remembers how she never called or texted him about what was going on. She just took right to taking care of her baby boy and getting Moon over there.

Of whom, Moon jumps up and assures Reader she'll handle it. "I'll go tell him gently." Then she disappears and there's some light greetings to be heard.

Then Reader is pretty sure she hears Hawk faint.

Moon comes back in, grabs something from her bag, and exits again. She uses a smelling salt to bring Hawk back to reality and he jumps up.

"I could have sworn you said, with all the seriousness I've ever seen from you, that Reader had a baby."

"That's exactly what I said, Hawk."

She explains the situation to him before anything else happens.

When he brings her to the bedroom, he doesn't faint again. Instead, he goes straight to Reader's side as quickly and quietly as possible. "Jesus Christ, are you okay? Is the baby okay? I didn't even know you were pregnant- well I guess you didn't either based off of what Moon said, but still. Holy shit."

Reader states at him, then laughs. It's that chaotic laugh he fell in love with and he wonders what the fuck is so funny in a time like this, but also he's relieved because she's feeling well enough to laugh.

"We're fine, Eli... he's perfect."

She smiles and looks down at her baby boy in her arms. He stares up at them, taking in his pretty mama and handsome daddy. He's dressed in a green onesie Moon grabbed on her way out (I think she keeps all sorts of baby stuff to give to parents she works with in baskets she makes for them because she would so do that). It's a little big for him but it keeps him warm and that's what matters right now.

Hawk takes his little hand and holds it, staring at him with a still shocked but happy smile. "Hey there..."

While they're having their little moment, Moon starts filling out the birth certificate. She looks up ever so often to check on them, only to find Hawk holding Reader as they just admire their little one. It's so cute of them.

She stands up and brings the certificate over, showing it to them. She explains what they have to do and ends by saying, "You don't have to have a name for him now. Figure that out when you know."

"I think I know," Reader giggles, looking back down at her baby boy with a smile.

Hawk kisses the side of her head. "What's that?"

"Mason... Mason Elijah Moskowitz."

[gamblersdoll]

i know its supposed to be sukuna, but we experimenting with eren. implied smut, eren is lowkey a dick.

“it was just a joke, baby. god, youre so sensitive.” it was a joke, but it was his dumbass delivery. you knew he was somewhat joking.. but it still pissed you off. “i was just playing baby, you know i love you.”

“uh huh, sure.” you keep it short, answers becoming dry and he sucks his teeth. “keep on doin that, ill knock ‘em bitches out.” your empty threats were still not to be taken lightly, feeling his hand on your thigh. “fuck offa’ me.” you shrink away.

he gets closer to your ear, placing a hand on your neck and resting it there. “mama.. dont be that way, what you want me to do to make it better?”

“i dont want shit from you.” you seethe, trying to pull away but he keeps his strength on you.

“i know what you want,” he coos, placing his hand in the crevice of your thighs. “you want me to deeply apologize, and show it, right?” he knew thats what would fix it all, softly kissing the skin along your throat and inching down. “ill make it better, sweet heart.”

you dont say anything, rage slowly dying as he gets on his knees to push your knees apart— yet you close them back. “apologize.”

“you wont let me, baby,” he acts like hes disheartened, when in reality, he wasnt good with apologizing, so he only ate. he only acted on things that showed he was sorry. “will you let me say sorry? or you goin’ to act out?”

you roll your eyes, him trying to pry your knees apart, getting close to your face again. “im sorry, baby. truthfully, i am.” he kisses your lips, your fight in your knees weakening and your folds throbbing. “let me show my apologies, mama.” you nod, him slide back down to his knees and seeing your panties. “smell so good.. youll definitely know how much im sorry.”

[em-harlsnow]

mickey would do the trend of texting your S/O something dirty while at a family event

oh I agree.

-> NSFW

it's family movie night, and mickey's bored. he usually likes carl's suggestions, but for some reason he just can't find fucking fast and furious 2 interesting. vin diesel isn't even in it. sure, Paul walker's okay, but he looks like a goody-two-shoes.

no one minds when he starts flipping through his phone.

for once, mickey's on the armchair, not the couch, with Ian on the couch where he has a better view of the TV. while mickey has a great view of Ian.

he scrolls through TikTok, sound down. god, the app is really addictive.

and then he finds the perfect thing to get rid of his boredom.

he flips over to his text chat with Ian.

usually, they don't need to send dirty texts. they're together all the time, why would they?

now seems the best time to start.

he thinks about what to type to get the best reaction, and settles on

m: if we were home rite now, id suck ur dick until I choke

he smirks as he sends it, and has to contain his grin when ian's phone buzzes. mickey watches as Ian sips his beer, eyes half on the movie and only darting quickly to his phone. ian's not very good at keeping his cool, spluttering a little and coughing slightly when he swallows the beer in his mouth. Ian looks up at him, part glare part interest. mickey grins back.

m: wld have to go real deep in my throat to make me choke

m: im sure that won't b a problem 4 u

he types out and sends.

ian's reaction is to scowl at mickey and he can see him typing swiftly.

I: what are you doing

is all he says.

I: nothing, just explainin what imma do wen we get home

mickey responds, trying to look innocent as he does

m: you don't want your dick sucked?

m: i'll just ride u into the couch then

he watches as Ian takes a deep breath

I: you need to stop

Mickey smirks again.

m: don't what that either?

m: u wanna pound me from behind?

m: shoving my head down into the mattress?

ian's leg starts bouncing, and mickey's so sadistically happy.

I: watch the movie

urgh, and ian's still playing hard to get. even though he can see how badly he's effecting him

m: rather watch u

m: love watching ur face when I deep throat

m: such a big fucking cock

m: make it poke out of my cheek so u can see it

Ian bites his lip at that, trying hard to keep composure.

I: ur an asshole

m: u wanna see my asshole?

m: wrapped around ur dick?

and that's enough, apparently, because ian's getting up.

"there's an emergency at work, me and mickey have to go." Ian tells them, grabbing mickey's arm and pulling him from the chair.

"what? a weed delivery emergency?" lip scoffs, disbelieving.

"yup." Ian says in the worst lying voice ever.

Debbie glares at them as they pull on their coats, taking notice of mickey's proud, self-satisfied grin. "you guys better stay for the whole thing next movie night."

"sure thing, debs." Ian smiles, and then pulls mickey out of the door by his elbow.

once they're well and truly out of the house, almost at the car, Ian leans in to whisper in mickey's ear. "you're doing all that shit the second we get home."

fuck yes, toktik clock app is actually good for something.

I don't usually write NSFW, but I hope this met expectations!

-> send me prompts for TikTok trends <3

[zhuoyichenpretty]

Eps 28-29 Speedrun...

I'm trying to play catch up after falling behind a bit, so here's just a highlight reel/speedrun (as much as I can speed...which is not very much tbh). The meta has dwindled down to nothing; I do apologize. This is very much just reaction-based. Also, I'll probably have to stay out of the tag once the express episodes come out, unless the site I'm watching on uploads those eps too.

Spoilers incoming!

Ep 28

Heh. ZYC's plausibly deniable jealousy is back and boy have I ever needed it. His cursing better be more intense now that he's basically confessed to ZYZ several times over lmao. And oh how precious he is, taking Ying Lei's ice marks comment seriously enough to double check his neck.

Ah. Watching WX's convo with Princess Longyu while knowing what happens in ep 29, the irony of her lie about being poisoned...Good (and terrible) stuff...

Oh god oh dear I was watching the whole acting ordeal through my fingers with preemptive second-hand embarrassment for ZYC. The moment WX pulled out her little booklet but we were cut off from seeing the msg, I knew, esp given the very pointed shots of the fish right before their whole convo haha. Not bad of a set-up imo, more subtly natural than usual which I like since I prefer explanatory flashbacks to have a bit more premeditation baked into the original scene for viewers to pick up on in real-time, which this show doesn't always do.

But oh my. I have to say this. I apologize in advance but it's in my damn handle so forgive me but—ZYC is so fucking lovely when sulky and embarrassed. I'm smitten. I had seen the director post those shots of TJR all dramatically lit and beautifully framed months ago and I had no idea it was going to be used for this. And this is coming off the heels of the previous episode's mpreg joke, which I'm still not over. This show's commitment to flustering ZYC's character needs to be studied and replicated in fanfics. Who said that? Not me. Anyway.

I've seen mixed reactions to ZYC not being in on the acting, but just for me personally, I like that it wasn't intentional for them to leave him out, and I really am glad to have heard his honest feelings in that moment. It felt significant to see him make that decision against even the rest of their family, and I'd personally rather it come out while the rest of them are playing at discord than actually seeing them fight internally just to witness ZYC draw his ultimatum so genuinely and seriously. It feels like yet another moment where the narrative is creatively committing subtext into text for us and for ZYZ to hear, without having to torment us with somehow worsening the stakes within their group to the extent that would elicit such a reaction.

WZY and Chongwu Camp really invest in a lot of latex skin huh?

Oh my god I love that PSJ sucks at acting too. Her panic at having to pretend lmfaooo. Also, this gets at something I really should have realized much earlier on, but the way ZYC and PSJ have so many similarities in disposition and belief, and also how WX and ZYZ overlap a lot in their inclination for acting and playful tricks and teasing—I love that. WX and ZYC each gravitating towards respectively familiar personalities in romantic partners, which actually very much happens irl. Basically seeking out personalities similar to their comforting (pseudo-)familial bonds. Also explains why I love both ZYC and PSJ so much.

Lmfao Ying Lei's theme song kicking in as he volunteers to hold onto the dragon scale really does get me. His song captures his character so well.

Any day I get to watch TJR inception-act as Ao Yin acting as ZYC is a good day for me. That little snarl of a reaction after Ying Lei pulled out his weapon is some good shit. I love that even the texture of his voice and the cadence of his line delivery is different (the stark contrast when actual ZYC shows up in the next scene is *chef's kiss*). And he is uniquely suited for batting his eyelashes, I must say.

Okay! Onto Ep 29:

First ZYC forgets how to count when he calls them a group of five...now ZYZ tricks Ying Lei into giving his all to protect an empty box...when will the grievances against Ying Lei end?

My live reaction to finding out WX's been fatally poisoned: ZYZ, ZYC, Bai Jiu, and WX passing around the hot potato of mortality.

I'm glad for some more emotional development on the Li Lun!Bai Jiu front! I feel like he's been on the back burner for a bit with the ZYC demonizing (which he caused anyway, lol). I am certainly intrigued by Ying Lei being around to hear Li Lun!Bai Jiu's monologue and what this may lead to. And it's been said but LZY (Bai Jiu's actor) does soooo well here it's such a great watch.

Also...Li Lun wants a roof (well, technically, eaves) to shelter from the rain and a lamplight in the dark? Sounds like a throuple with ZYC and ZYZ really might fix him tbh.

Justice for WX in ZYC's flashback from two years ago. She does not say "Are you stupid?" but more along the vibe of "Don't be silly" as she and ZYC discuss his snake bite. The subs are too literal here it makes her sound so out of pocket lmao

God I'm so glad PSJ slapped all of WX's will to live back into her in ep 27 because yes girl!!! Fight for your right to live!! Also, speaking of, where tf is PSJ ): Her girl is dying, why doesn't she get any screen time to react? Do I assume she knows or not?

But yay! The contract ripping was cute. As an aside, I do wish I personally felt enough of a spark between ZYZ and WX to ship them on my own because the writing is there for their pairing to be pretty solid. Like I've said before, they're sweet and good together but they just don't rot my brain. I wonder what's missing for me because I honestly like their acting much more than I expected to. Perhaps it could also be a matter of contrast, as some dynamics in the web of relationships stand out to me in terms of chemistry more than others, even if we're not talking strictly romantic (I mean, I'm of the belief that TJR could have chemistry with a brick wall if he wanted to). Anyway though, I'm going off topic. ZYZ and WX cute (and tragic)!

I gasped at ZYC going to meet WZY. That's what I call desperate measures.

Ha, ZYZ asking ZYC to protect him while he's weakened from the Ever-Burning Wood reminds me of CQL c:

Yooooooo ZYC grabbing the newly reforged Cloud Light Sword and all that gorgeous light. What a hero. Smitten, I say.

Ohhhh the Li Lun/ZYC superimposed images, the way I was holding my breath and worried for a second that ZYZ would call ZYC by the wrong name !!!! That's some legit ex-vs-current-lover storytelling like whew. But I needed ZYC to catch ZYZ a little better than that when he fell like embrace the man already pls

The cave scene!!!!! I'm looking through my fingers. I feel like I'm intruding. How many jade pendants does ZYC have on his person for ZYZ to drink at any given moment? And oh wow something about the framing of ZYC's hand on the wine bottle as he mixes it—what an intimate ritual. Feels like I watched ZYC make three separate confessions just seeing him pull out the jade, mix the drink for ZYZ, and hold it out to him with his eyes averted...And then he goes and lays his heart bare (again! once more on top of the conversation in ep 26 like he is really not letting any chance of misunderstanding arise he is trying to show his hand as much as possible wow). But yeah who's gonna gif the wine mixing for me?

Fuckkkk, they're zhiji, they said it, I'm going insane.

I love ZYZ's pause right before he drinks the first cup. Watching the gravity of this moment and ZYC's absolute sincerity hit him, settle on him. Such a meaningful and significant breath between actions. Like, we are allll aware of how serious this is.

ZYC holding intense eye contact while drinking the second cup??? Uh??? I really should be turning away now right? And ZYZ's stare back is truly indistinguishable from his openly loving looks at WX. I am on the floor.

All of ZYC's toasts are about ZYZ being a savior of some kind ;-;

Another live reaction: WHEN DID ZYC BECOME A SURGEON THEY JUST DID SURGERY ON ZYZ'S CORE IM CRYING.

ZYC most dramatic surgeon I've ever seen did you see the way his hair caught the wind? God but his nonchalance is killing me. Yes why not bare your heart and soul over some wine you mixed specifically for ZYZ and then operate on ZYZ's core in one sitting? All in a night's work I guess. Also ZYZ's still recovering from the Ever-Burning Wood oh my god someone take ZYC's license away what is this medical malpractice. Bai Jiu is out of commission for a little bit and all of a sudden everyone thinks they're a doctor smh.

All I have to say about the WZY meeting is sometimes I get so distracted by ZYC's eyelashes. Also goodbye and good riddance WZY! Unless the drama decides to pull a fast one on us, which is never beyond the realm of possibility here. But at least he burned.

PSJ is back :D Head empty except for how pretty her red cape is.

Ouuugh Li Lun who is constantly possessing people and obsessively making others look at the real him and Ao Yin who is constantly impersonating people and now asking to be remembered for how she actually looks. What a pair, I can see why they stuck together all this time. Also Ao Yin's true form is so pretty. Girl I know you killed a bunch of people and continuously framed our heroes and caused so so so much heartache for them but I'll remember your true form dw )-:

The borrowed sympathy Li Lun gets while in Bai Jiu's body is quite poignant and so complicated and tbh I want more of it. As someone who doesn't want him to go down this unfortunate path any further, I have hopes about the potential there, but it's probably safer to expect the worst.

Not sure if this more surface-level commentary is still fun to read, but this will probably be all I have time for from now til the end. And since I'll be staying out of the tag soon, it'll just be me shouting into the void for the next few days. Thanks to anyone still sticking around and reading these!

Also sorry I don't add more photos on the regular, I'm watching the show in pretty shitty resolution and on a player than is awful to screenshot from (-:

[coupsjin]

subway

╰┈➤ bf!jeonghan x afab reader

╰┈➤ summary: on the subway with jeonghan, you can't help but to tease him.

╰┈➤ warnings: mdni, public teasing, dirty talk, kissing, unprotected sex, pet names (princess) etc. lmk if i should add more!

wc: <1k

the subway doors slid open, summoning a crowd of people shifting out of the packed subway car. you and jeonghan wait until everyone has left, then head inside right when the doors were about to close.

"more crowded than normal.." jeonghan sighed, giving you a quick smile.

you were heading back to jeonghan's apartment after surprising him at work. he suggested a movie and some delivery food, but you had something different in mind.

it's been a while since you and jeonghan "did it". he's been super busy with recording and dance practices that he barely had time outside of work. of course you were busy too, also going to work and dealing with stress.

the subway car shakes, making you and jeonghan lurch forward. as an instinct, jeonghan puts his hand on you. i guess he wasn't thinking that much when he did, because his hand landed on your chest. this drove you crazy.

"you wanted to touch that bad?" you teased, but to your surprise, he didn't let go.

you moved his hand to your shoulder, just in case anyone saw. your hand automatically went to his chest, tracing down to his underwear strap. you teased him, going back and forth and occasionally down.

"fuck," he sighed, "why do you always make me so horny when i can't do anything to you?"

you unzip his pants, revealing an already hard dick. you slowly rub it, making jeonghan need you more. you keep rubbing and touching, making him more sensitive and hard as you approached your stop.

when you arrive, jeonghan practically runs to get off. thankfully his house was close to the station, only a two minute walk. he holds your hand and walks quickly to his apartment.

"you're gonna regret what you did pretty soon."

when he opens the door to his apartment, he's already all over you. one hand on your waist, he kisses you while closing the door. you keep making out while he leads you to his bedroom, immediately towering over you when he reaches the bed.

"fuck, i just realized how much i missed this." he sighs, while he takes off his jeans. you mirror him, taking off your shirt and pants.

when he takes off his boxers, his cock springs out and is wet already with precum. but, no matter how much he wants to feel your warmth around his dick, he always makes sures to do foreplay before.

he kisses and bites your neck, breathing heavily to make you shiver. you let out a soft moan as he works his way past your breasts and to the line of your panties.

"mmh already so wet for me?" he moans, as he lightly rubs his fingers over your clothed pussy. "guess i wasn't the only one being teased."

he takes off your panties in one move, instantly covering it with kisses and sucking your clit.

"oh fuck.." you moan loudly, filling the entire room with your voice.

before you knew it, he was aligning his needy cock with your entrance. you see his jaw drop and eyes flutter closed as he feels your wetness on the tip of his dick.

he pushes all of it in, making both of you gasp in pleasure. he slowly thrusts in and out, savouring every moment inside you. his mind spins as he goes faster, realizing how much he wanted this.

"jeonghan.. oh god!" you manage to say between moans.

"yes, princess?"

"you don't know h.. how much i wanted this," you answer, "fuck i'm gonna cum jeonghan.." your moans get louder, as he keeps his steady pace of nailing you into the headboard. your moans turn in to a whine, turning on jeonghan even more.

for the first time in forever, you fall apart over his dick while your thighs are shaking from pleasure.

"did that feel good, princess?" he huffed, finishing himself too.

"yeah.. lets do that again soon."

[jediofbooksandsnacks]

This is from something saved in my drafts under the title Only An Afternoon. It is, generally speaking, a hot fictional mess but! I decided to post a snippet to celebrate Kogami's birthday. It happens during when he goes to pick up Akane from the detention center and deliver her to the CID. I mean, what must have been going through his head? Delivering her to the place he had escaped from? Just: *chef's kiss*

Enjoy your fictional cake my fictional blorbo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was 7 minutes to 11 am when Kogami arrived at the detention center.

The SUV was a loaner from SAD, a car that boasted all of the tech from a few years ago. The self-driving setting often didn’t work. The AC was perpetually on the fritz. Plus, the radio was stuck on one Sibyl-approved station that played the greatest hits of the past three decades, all padded by fill chatter from the DJ. At least the radio had distracted him as he drove over. When he parked, he clicked it off before he shut down the car. Silence surrounded him, both a blessing and a curse.

It was probably a curse. Consider this: a former Inspector turned Enforcer turned renegade turned SAD agent picking up his own former Inspector turned psycho-prisoner turned statutory Enforcer for delivery to the CID. Irony lived in there, somewhere.

A tug on the handle popped the car door open. Sunlight bathed him in midday gold as he got out, the discord both startling and astute. A breeze tugged at his hair, the same breeze carrying the falling flowers from the sakura trees down to their doom. Nature mocking her with its own beauty as the MWPSB doors inevitably swung shut behind her. Another irony. Soon he could start a collection.

The door closed with a thunk. The fingers of his right hand twitched for a cigarette.

Maybe just one. Hell, he’d smoked in the office, in his MWPSB room, even in her own car. Maybe it would calm the unsettled feeling in his stomach. No sense delaying it till later.

The one thing that held him off lighting up and sucking it down with determined gusto was this: Akane would know. It was dumb, but there it was. Gods, he was just like a kid back in school, not wanting to do anything to make his favorite teacher mad. Which said some fucked up stuff about how he thought of this relationship.

That door didn’t open until it was 11:06, and when it did—

Professionalism in an emergency was the whole point of his job. He’d helped crying children escape from a burning bus, taken action to aid troops advancing within a killing zone, hell, he’d even escaped his own CID captors in SEAUn. Yet, nothing had prepared him for seeing Akane come out of that hellhole and emerge into the shade of the detention center monolith.

He stood. His heart pounded in his chest. Goddammit it all to hell. He really would need a cigarette when this was done.

Brown eyes went wide when they saw him as surprise took over. There were no words he could think of at that moment. In fact, everything he wanted to say existed in the curve of the shadow on her face and was contained in her eyes. Finally, he said, “I’m here to get you.”

It was not the most gallant thing he could think to say, but this was not exactly the most gallant of situations.

Akane’s face relaxed into a smile, a smile thankfully not separated from him by a pane of bulletproof glass and under the dim lighting from the cells’ interior. Aware that he, too, was absorbing absolutely everything about her, he broke his eyes away. The pavement looked cracked beneath his shoes. “Sorry.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for.” A broad smile beamed across her face as she took the steps downwards, her hair blowing in the mild breeze. “I’m kind of hungry.”

“Is food all that’s on your mind right now?” The double entendre took a second to catch up, good god dammit. But it was a reasonable question, after all: the deal that had been struck, the machinations behind this, everything was so far unclear to him. Honestly, he’d give anything for a line into what was going on at the CID and save the sexual harassment call from HR for later.

Sunlight traced the lines of her face and was dimmed by her grin. Maybe it was jealous that he was there to pick up a more powerful force of nature. “Treat me to something.”

He had to stop himself from letting his mind wander into the gutter. As he cleared his throat, he reached for her duffel. “Yes, ma’am.”

[saltygilmores]

DANCE MARATHON EPISODE (AKA MURDER ON THE DANCE FLOOR)-PART 5

After a quick blowjob break out in the soon-to-be-bloodspattered Stars Hollow High football field, a certain homocidal maniac in a puke green church donation bin coat has returned, and he's ready to dish out some sass. Shane is not in tow yet, but we need to give her time to freshen up and make herself presentable for the remaining few hours of her life.

Lane's pointless bitterness towards Jess is such a fucking waste. My "Lane hates Jess for stupid reasons when they could have been pals" rant has been reheated in the metaphorical microwave too many times already, so I won't repeat myself, but yeah. It's still about that fucking car accident.

Getting your dick sucked on the high school football field before committing a gruesome homocide can really work up a boy's appetite.

Baby you're such a good noticer. *kisses forehead*

I can't think of anyone more deserving of a rock hard permanent public erection. Wait And now, for what is possibly my favorite five-word exchange in the entire series:

The most perfectly executed dry delivery. Ugh! Sheer perfection!

Well, at least egg salad sandwiches beat the Crack and Despair Sandwiches Liz used to pack in his lunchbox.

Miss "My Virginity Spared Me From Becoming Football Field Fertilizer" has arrived with Also-Not-Dancing Butthead in tow. If the food is for the dancers, I better not see him eat anything. I will smack that sandwich out of his hand so fast so help me god (virgins always survive the killing spree).

You ever think about what a monstrous hell it must be for Jess living in a place like Stars Hollow? I think about this a lot. But I like to think that off screen he gets in his car and gets the fuck out of there as much as possible. Anyway, this is another perfectly dry one liner that I absolutely love. I want to fil out adoption papers and take all of his sarcastic one liners from this episode home from the shelter. R: You have nothing better to do than sit in a gymnasum staring at a dance marathon? J:Idk, do you have nothing better to do than sit inside a gymnasium staring at a dance marathon? R:Do you think you're bugging me sitting in front of me and staring like that? J: Do you think you're bugging me dancing and staring at me like that? R: I'm not staring at you! J:How do you know I'm staring at you?

Dean: It's been two years. Maybe you can glance at my dick for once, Rory. Has Rory ever said anything supportive of Dean that wasn't said with the same conviction as if she were a bank robbery hostage? Deany has that constipated look on his face again. Is he sad because no one was staring at him? But someone was. I'll give you a hint, it's a certain MILF who wants to turn that 34 into a 69. Lorelai is 34 years old in this episode, by the way. He's proudly displaying his love of young milfs on his literal sleeve. Listen, you could power Stars Hollow with the combined sexual frustration of these three people + Lane and Dave Ryglaski to make it extra nuclear. When nobody puts out, you get three teenagers eating egg salad and having an "I'm not staring at you!" argument in a school gymansium at 10pm.

Ooooh. Jess is shakin in his little murder boots. J: I'm supporting my town. R: Go back to New York. Oh Rory babe, if only he could, he'd be home now with a smile on his face with a pushcart hot dog in one hand while some easy alt chick rode his dick. Well, yeah he's got that now but he's going to feed her to the swans then take an 8 month vow of celibacy for some reason.

Got em.

He's so LAME. Jared: Hey AmyShermanPalladino, can't Dean get any fun comebacks for once? Why does Milo get all the good sass? AmyShermanPalladino: You can pick from the reject pile. We've got "my former comment still stands" "Are you trying to act tough, you're wearing a tie" and "You're the one who's going"

She's so horny. God help her.

Shane Campbell stars in the newest WB Network vehicle, "My Favorite Murder Victim." He keeps picking at that sandwich like he's going to find a $100 bill in the bread.

You want this poor girl to spend the last precious hours of her life doing math problems?

I guess egg salad will wash the taste of dick out of her mouth.

We heard you the first time, Ice Vagina. What is Dean even doing here, lol.

There's something incredibly erotic about this line.

Dean is like, what the hell is going on? Why is she touching me?

*immediately pushes her off*

Don't give him any more ideas, Jess.

I just want to point out that on the table behind them, fresh fruit and brownies are available for consumption. You know you guys don't have to eat those sandwiches.

Code for "I'm gonna go find the murder implement I stowed away in the bushes earlier"

[pinazee]

Theres Something About Mira

Aka

KERRY FUCKING WASHINGTON

Lets talk about Mira! To be honest, the first time i watched it she was so over the top it was a bit distracting, but now it just comes across as delightfully ridiculous like the rest of the show. Her character is pretty interesting though, and could have really been fleshed out into a love interest for Gus instead of a plot device. I actually think she could have been good for him because she’d push him outside his comfort zone (like shawn does. Theres an interesting parallel happening with them- fun-loving, adventurous, irresponsible, can’t stay in one job). Sidenote, do you think she actually called Gus 100 times after he broke it off, or do you think he ghosted her because he was scared to confront her? Anyways, it wouldn’t last, but it could have been interesting to see if they could come to a compromise. Plus i feel like her and Shawn would really get along, and it would’ve been fun to see him play the responsible one to her chaos, since he’s usually the chaos master, and it’d be funny to see Shawn doing everything he could to avoid being in the same room as her mother.

it’s so weird to remember there was a whole period of Shawn and Gus’s life where they weren’t always together. I wonder how hard that was for them to separate for the first time in their lives. I have this whole headcanon (slightly angsty) that shawn was visiting him so much at school that people thought he was living in the dorm room instead of Gus, and Gus basically told shawn he needed space to become his own man without him sucking the air out of the room in like the heat of the moment (which gus regretted immediately). And shawn obliged and took off for all his side jobs. But without a cell phone, gus had no way to contact him and had to wait for the postcards to find out where he’d been until Shawn eventually called him (likely from mexico), and Gus apologized and shawn laughs it off like he hadn’t been thinking about it the whole time, and tells him to forget about it. Then they just pretend like it never happened. This would kind of explain why neither of them know about each others early 20’s college age life. Gus didn’t know about Shawns stint at the museum, and then of course, Gus didn’t tell Shawn about Mira (or the acapella group he was in, in a later ep).

OW

Lassies a little bitch in this ep haha but I’ll tell ya what, I love when two people are arguing about who does something better and then a third person comes along and blows them both out of the water and they both have to tuck their tails between their legs ;)

Dulé has some of the best line deliveries in the show! The way he says “you’re trying to tell me you went skydiving with a rabbi?” Is so goddamn funny. He’s such a great co-star for james because he can shine all on his own and doesn’t fade into the background which i think would be easy to do when you have a lead who is both the brains, the cool, and the funny at the same time. I think on a less sophisticated show Gus would’ve been the straight man, the one putting up with his antics and wrangling him in, and thats it. But he’s his own person and gets to be funny and the straight man when the times calls and it never feels out of character. Dulé, 👏👏

P.S I hope to god we meet Gay Andy someday

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

I have a really weird hyperfixation on The Mummy, but not the Boris Karloff or the Brendan Fraser versions, those would be completely acceptable movies to enjoy (and I do so enjoy them)

but I cannot stop thinking about The Mummy 2017 starring Tom Cruise and it's a problem

I love bad movies, I love them so much, I own so many b-grade horror flicks, old classic films with terrible acting and awful special effects, I love absolutely shit tier cgi, I love Ed Wood disasters, I love cult classic bad movies, I love really weird niche bad movies

but this one is like, such a special kind of bad movie, I can't really put my finger on exactly why though?? but I am damn well going to try, in this essay I will-

they fucked up from the get go by casting Tom Cruise, like this movie is sometimes deliberately goofy, but a lot of the time it takes itself very seriously, SO seriously, and I cannot physically take Tom Cruise seriously, he turns every single scene he is in into a joke by virtue of his mere presence

but when they have actual jokes, they are so not funny they cycle back around to being really fucking funny

I am watching this movie fucking whiff every god damn beat it tries to hit and it does it so beautifully it's a god damn marvel

Russel Crowe as Jekyll and Hyde??? I actually somehow missed the part where he introduced himself as Jekyll on my first watch, so the Hyde reveal was a true surprise to me and I was very genuinely disappointed on my second watch when I realised it was not supposed to be a surprise, because that was a really fun reveal

and Russel Crowe seemed to be having an absolute fucking whale of a time as Hyde, I loved every moment he was on screen with his stupid cockney accent, I would watch his movie, I know it would be bad, that's why I want it, because there is nothing quite like a bad movie with an actor still giving 110%

and the mummy character herself? she was supposed to be pharaoh and then her dad had a son with someone else and now this baby is jumping all up in her place like, okay baby murder might not be the coolest thing in the world but like, she's got ambition, she's getting shit done, she's hustlin' like go get it girl I'm rooting for you babe

also when she sucked the life out of some dude and turned him into a shrivelled husk my roommate said 'she could do that to me and I'd thank her' so she's got that going for her, like girl's a half rotten corpse wrapped in decaying bandages and she still slays

and then we have the completely ridiculous female rivalry??? like this mummy could kill this woman SO MANY TIMES and just doesn't???? for reasons?????? like she could literally kill her in an instant at any moment but no they gotta girl fight for a bit because Tom Cruise is at stake and why wouldn't two hot women fight over Tom Cruise right?? right????

nevermind the fact that he has been practically nothing but ✨The WooOOOOooorst✨ to her the WHOLE first act of the movie, oh and uh let's not forget the 'duh huh guy bad at sex' jokes that they just could not put down for a good chunk there (but wait! uh he's good at sex actually she's just being mean because he hurt her feewings)

like, this movie hits every fucking branch of the bad trope tree, this movie is playing bad trope bingo, it is collecting bad tropes like pokemon, it has to have them all

also a really bizarre ongoing American Werewolf in London reference?? it was not unwelcome, it was some of the best comedy in the movie (that is an easy bar to jump btw), the actor had some great wry line delivery, I enjoyed it

I think the biggest issue, and the reason I can't stop chewing on this magnum opus of garbage, is that it reminds me of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, in several different ways

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen also happens to be another of my favourite bad movies, but it falls into the particular genre of bad movies, a fucking cool as shit concept, and some really cool as shit visuals, and some very cool as shit characters, but an absolute swing and a miss on the delivery

The Mummy 2017 starring Tom Cruise has That Vibe to me, there is some cool shit here, we know this because the previous version utilised that cool shit very very well, but this one was the only one who made the villain a woman pursuing a man, and not just any man, the ✨worst✨ man, you did not feel very sorry for this guy, honestly watching him go through the constant torment of being stalked by a bodacious supernatural babe who put a sexy little curse kiss on him was fun, he's a sopping wet little meow meow and I wanna see him thrown at a wall, and I get to see that several times, and it is a delight every time

in the previous movie the mummy went after really likeable characters, people who were just generally nice, a roguish scamp with a heart of gold, or just really hot, seriously that cast was beyond smoking what the fu

I did not like Tom Cruise as a character, and to be fair that was the point, he was supposed to have a redemption arc, the story and his sacrifice at the end were supposed to be about him becoming a better person

but he fucking doesn't??? it's like 'oh boo hoo I have made this great sacrifice and now I am a monster and I did it to save my lady love's life even though we had zero chemistry and I was just ✨The Worst✨ to her' and then he fucks off to go and do the exact same shit he was doing at the start of the movie, fucking around in the desert looking for boy adventures

it was a great ending and I loved it because it was so dumb and also he abandoned the woman he brought back to life to go fuck around with his bro who he also brought back to life, I love that for them, go have some boy adventures you madlads you sure didn't earn it but don't let that stop you, just heterosexually ride off into the sunset together it's fine, she is literally better off without you in every way you made the Correct Decision

and then there's these moments, moments that are treated like big moments, and could be really cool moments, but just don't fucking land

there's a part where Tom Cruise starts talking to the mummy in her own language (they got a psychic bond and shit which is it's own cool little thing we'll get back to that) and everyone is watching like 😮 oooh didn't know he could do that wow there really IS magic bond between them oooh, and it's like a Big Deal and Very Cool

but Tom Cruise just sounds like he's speaking gibberish with a mouth full of novocain???? it doesn't sound cool at all??? it sounds really goofy???? I half expected him to start drooling on himself

then there is the ending, leading lady dies, he completes the ritual to invite the god of death into his body (a fucking baller move honestly), he fights it for control as the mummy attempts to sway the beast inside him to her side, but when he sees his beloved laying dead he fights her off, using his newfound powers to defeat her, and then weeps over his lady love begging for her to wake up

and then as he lets the god inside him loose, a terrible monstrous visage takes him over as he bloodcurdlingly screams in her face WAKE UP!!! and the power within him that he doesn't understand and can barely control listens

she wakes, and sees him hiding in the shadows, unable to face her now that he has become something terrifying

at least that's what I think they thought the scene would be like, it was a little more like, some crappy flashback and speed up effects as he becomes the god of death, a really pathetic and uneventful 1 minute of him fighting for control, after which he has a really pathetic and uneventful 1 minute of fighting the mummy, and then as he screams for his lady love to wake up, we get a shot of some absolutely fucking god awful cgi and the most uninspired monster face I've ever seen

I mean, half seen, it was a very dark shot, in fact most of the movie is shot in the dark, a very blatant attempt to obscure the shithouse cgi

except in one scene where it kinda fucking slapped, where the mummy sucks the life out of some guys, and then reanimates their husky corpses as thralls, the way they stand like jerky unstable puppets being dragged to their feet by unseen strings was actually pretty fuckin' dope and the dark scene obscured the details in just the right amount to make their uncannily decrepit silhouettes appear super creepy

this is the only time that trick works, every other time I just want someone to turn on a fucking torch so I can actually see what the hell's going on

okay now let's get back to that psychic bond thing

our main character was chosen not because he was a descendant, or a reincarnation, or just Looked Real Pretty (although I think she did have the hots for him a leeetle bit which is like, girl raise your standards, it's Tom Cruise, he's about as sexually appealing as a wet potato, you can do better), he had absolutely zero in common with the mummy's original choice for this ritual, in fact that guy was not significant to the story at all, I think he was just some dude who was down for some ritual shenanigans 'cause a hot lady asked him (also he was hotter than Tom Cruise so this is a significant downgrade, I feel like if she had the opportunity to shop around a little she might have picked better)

so Tom Cruise wasn't chosen for any reason other than that he's the one who released her, and she sees this as her way of saying thank you, and I love that, it's real sweet, would love if I opened a door for someone and they repaid me by summoning a god of death into my body, that really shows they care you know?

she gives him a little hallucinatory kissy kiss and then manages to follow him everywhere, while also compelling him to follow her without him really knowing it, there is a very cool part where he's trying to drive away from her, but somehow ends up driving in a circle and falling right back into her clutches, that was cool, that had the potential to even be super fucking creepy, she can manipulate him without him even realising, it doesn't matter where he goes or what he does, he will always somehow find his way back to her, that's so good, I love that

and then back to the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen comparisons

The Mummy 2017 starring Tom Cruise established a concept of an organisation who hunt down, collect, and research supernatural phenomena, with a leader (Jekyll) who also has ulterior motives and is actually not really the good guy, this movie was also supposed to be part of a monster movie cinematic universe, so this really could have become like, the Universal Monster Movie equivalent of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, and I would have watched the hell out of that, and I am crushed that this movie bombed so bad and ruined the whole plan

like could you imagine a whole series as bad as this movie? all culminating together as the most god awful Avengers style team up? fuuuck I want to live in that universe so bad

I think my fascination comes from this ungodly mix of real pure potential, those fleeting super fucking cool moments and concepts that, if given to literally any other actor, could have really been something, and the just pure insane failure to make literally anything in this plot successfully land a hit

somehow this movie felt like the completely dead and soulless corpse of a cheap party clown, while the ghost of something incredible flickered in its eyes

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Okay, so I've been surfing tumblr and seeing all these headcanons and various other little things about the Sullies as children and it got my brain going so thanks a lot to every last person who has aided in giving me Avatar brainrot. Anyways, I've built this whole thing up in my head that goes from the time Neytiri & Ronal get pregnant to who the fuck knows, so starting with the eldest lets begin (just the Sullys as babies, if you enjoy putting your own thoughts in this one then I'll get to Ronal and Tonowari's kids and more lol).

Neteyam

He was a total and complete accident 100%

Jake and Neytiri were a very quick-burn romantically and got married a little over a year after they officially began dating, they were only married for like 12 seconds when surprise! Positive pregnancy test, babe.

Jake spends a good thirty minutes fully committed to the idea that Neytiri is just fucking with him. She is not.

He spends another thirty minutes wrapping his head around the fact that he's going to be a dad.

He wants so badly to talk to Tommy about it but god damnit he can't.

He's for sure the more cautious one during the pregnancy, of that I have no doubt. Neytiri will want to do some random shit like go horseback riding with Tsu'tey (this man will always live on in my heart okay let me be happy) and Jake will practically faint at the thought alone.

Eventually Neytiri will start pretending to want to do #risky shit solely for the amusement Jake's reactions bring her with zero intentions of actually following through. Nobody is sure if Jake ever ended up catching on or not.

I'm 100% convinced that Neytiri would be into all of the traditional pregnancy milestones/events and fucking live for each and every one of them regardless of Jake's thoughts because it's their baby, Jake, and don't you want to see if a necklace will actually predict the gender of him/her? (It very much did not, Neteyam wound up being a boy. Stupid necklace.)

Grandma Mo'at is your trademark superstitious/nature-inclined grandparent and I have zero doubts that Neytiri has inherited some of that. I feel like it would flare up during her first pregnancy but only, like, low-key. Do with this information what you will.

Jake has no idea what to do or buy or anything but boy does he try. (When he fails he fails hard but when he gets it right he gets it right *that cute little dinosaur mobile is just so adorable!*)

Neteyam is by far Neytiri's easiest pregnancy. She doesn't really get any morning sickness and feels pretty fine in general throughout the whole thing.

She does wind up craving a ton of different fruits though (blueberries and honeydew melon mainly, but also strawberries, watermelon, blackberries, and pretty much any other melon under the sun. Oh, there was also that one time she refused to eat anything but pomegranates for like one solid afternoon).

Neteyam is a summer baby and nobody can convince me otherwise. August, to be exact.

I imagine that, while her pregnancy was breezy, Neteyam's actual birth sucked ass.

Jake almost passes out but luckily war prepared him for the horrors he witnessed in that delivery room.

Neteyam was actually pretty quiet after his birth. Once they got him all wrapped up he was chill.

Jake was the first one to hold him since Neytiri was exhausted beyond understanding, but Jake sat really close to her and she pretty much demanded to hold their son after like 5 minutes and the nurses were all like: ma'am, you're about to pass out???

As long as one of six songs is playing everything is chill: Edith Whisker's Home, Stephan Sanchez's See the Light, Sea Wolf's The Violet Hour, The Family Crest's She Knows My Name, Mills' Born N' Raised, or Black Match's Nowhere. If one of these songs is playing, Neteyam is an angel. The moment the music stops, though? I'd hate to be anyone within a ten mile radius because that baby's got pipes.

I feel like Neteyam is actually a big daddy's boy during this time period. He's all giggly and happy around everyone, but it becomes clear around three months in that dad is indeed the favorite. And it makes sense. Jake is who he's around the majority of his day (I'm fully committed to stay-at-home dad Jake Sully). Neytiri likes to tease him, saying if she was at home more it would be no contest. Secretly, though, she's happy he's bonding so much with their baby. He needs some light in his life.

Jake is completely restless inside but at the same time has no idea what he can and cannot do with a baby (plus there's the whole "music needs to be playing" thing) so he resorts to long car rides regularly with Neteyam's coveted songs playing on repeat.

Neteyam isn't a picky eater per se, but he is very particular---oh who the fuck am I kidding this kid refuses to eat anything but banana baby food voluntarily good luck with that Jake. Eventually Jake manages to weasel in plum baby food too (sticking to the fruit theme I see) but that is it. (I just picture this man in tears trying to get Neteyam to try some peas or a chocolate bar or "something, Neteyam, anything".)

Spider

Spider enters the scene a little before Kiri is born, I like to think. He's already around a year and a half when he's plopped into Norm's lap as a temporary placement while they scramble to find him a more permanent home.

It starts out with Jake agreeing to watch the little guy while Norm does science-y stuff, but quickly Jake finds himself getting attached. Spider is just such a sweet, lively baby who's curious about everything around him, especially Neteyam.

Like seriously, baby Spider is full-on fascinated with his siblings, starting of course with Neteyam. Whenever he sees the boy, he'll squeal excitedly and make hand gestures as if to say "bring him closer!" and it's just the most adorable thing Jake has ever seen.

Wherever Neteyam is set down, Spider will make his way to him no matter what is in the way. He can't walk on his own completely yet, but he is very good at walking by holding on to furniture and other such things. As long has he can pull himself up, this dude is getting places.

Jake learns very quickly to either 1) watch Spider like a hawk at all times or 2) but Neteyam close by and let his charming baby work his magic in getting Spider's full attention.

Spider isn't picky (something that relieves Jake greatly) and will eat pretty much whatever Jake hands him, though Jake quickly learns that yogurt is his favorite.

Spider has a strange fascination with fairy lights, too. He gets a kick out of when they change color and it provides hours of entertainment as long as Neteyam is near as well, allowing Jake to get various things done with little concern. Spider especially likes it when the lights turn red and he always turns to babble nonsense at Jake when they do, most notably being "no no no!" but in, like, a happy way? Jake isn't sure if Spider understands the true meaning of the word yet, which actually concerns him for a little until Spider makes it very clear one day that he is not fond of baths with many no no no's.

Eventually Neytiri can't help but become fond of Spider as well. It starts when Norm needs someone to watch him on a Sunday but Jake can't because Sunday is the day he and Neytiri decided would be his break day, a time away from the kids and house to just relax, so he's at the beach. She reluctantly agrees to take Spider as a favor to Norm, seeing how desperate the man is and also not wanting to interrupt Jake's relaxing day out.

It doesn't get off to a great start. Spider seems perplexed when he realizes that Jake isn't at the house due to the fact that at this point he's been spending Monday through Friday with Jake and Neteyam (along with some Saturdays), and this is followed swiftly by agitation. He isn't a loud crier like Neteyam, but he might just be worse anyways because Jesus does that kid squirm. He spends the first hour whining and squirming and pushing at Neytiri as if to try and get her to put him down. Neteyam calms him considerably, but he's still fussy and babbling "no!" over and over again, along with the occasional break in pattern to sprinkle in some variety.

Neytiri cracks and texts Jake asking what to do, and when Jake asks if she's tried the fairy lights she realizes she hasn't and gives it a try. Spider's whining ceases instantly, replaced by giggles.

After that it's easier, and Neytiri puts on Cars and makes sure that they're both situated safely before going to the kitchen to grab a smoothie and then comes to sit on the couch. When a little hand comes to rest on her knee she looks down and sees Spider looking up at her curiously.

He then proceeds to reach out and ask "eat?" and how did Neytiri not notice how cute he is with his sunshine curls and cornflower eyes and chubby little cheeks and okay maybe she's beginning to understand why her husband is fond of this child.

(She lets Spider try the smoothie, btw.)

The day Norm has to take Spider to his more permanent foster placement, Jake and Neytiri come with and Jake has like a whole list of dos and don'ts and has brought all of the things Spider likes and is all like "and remember, he's super easy to give a bath to so long as you sing him the tiny turtle song while you put him in the tub. Oh, also he loves yogurt but especially the key-lime pie yogurt. And lemon, too! You know what, he likes citrus in general. Don't forget that his favorite color is red! I packed a pair of red pjs in there, they're his favorite, we got them for him when we went to the mall that one time. Also, so long as you feed him a good time before you put him to bed he should go down just fine, just make sure you don't---" and Neytiri's all like "ma Jake I think they get it," only then she begins her own lecture on how he likes it if you put ice in his apple juice and to never give him chocolate because it makes him hyper and don't bother with baby gates because that shit doesn't work and soon enough they realize that, hey, this might be our baby now.

Kiri

She's born a little before Lo'ak. Definitely a spring baby.

The quietest baby you will ever fucking know. When she was born she was so quiet that the doctors were genuinely worried for a moment that she'd been stillborn.

Spider loves her immediately, to absolutely nobody's surprise. A good portion of Kiri's early days are spent being babbled to by Spider endlessly.

Unlike Neteyam, Kiri is a total mama's girl and gets all grumpy when Neytiri leaves the room unless she's sleeping when Neytiri leaves, then for some reason it's all good like? Jake will never understand. Eventually, however, this becomes a Mo'at thing. Very quickly Mo'at and her become one another's favorites and Mo'at will often find the most absurd reason to come see her.

Neytiri sings to her and takes her out to the backyard to lay on the grass and I swear this baby loves grass more than she loves the warmth of her own home.

Kiri loves carrot and pea baby food, much to Jake's surprise. Sure, Spider isn't a picky eater, but the kid was by no means a lover of vegetables. He'd eat them, but never pick them. And Neteyam? Hell, getting that baby to eat something more than plums and bananas was something he considered a win. So a child who actively eats veggies? Fucking finally.

Very interested in all of the plants around their house. Nothing else to be said. She just sort of looks at them in that weird way that only babies can look at something.

She has this purple blanket that Neytiri made for her herself and she will. not. sleep without it. Ever. She won't cry or anything like that if she doesn't have it, but you best bet that she will not be doing much of anything else either.

Whenever she has it she's asleep like 90% of the time. Jake's kind of confused actually because neither Neteyam nor Spider slept as much as she does.

Over all, Kiri is probably the chillest of the Sullys as a baby. Not very demanding, not very easy to upset, and doesn't make things difficult most days.

Lo'ak

Neytiri's hardest pregnancy for sure. She was puking, sick, huge, and could hardly keep anything down at all. The only two things Neytiri managed to keep down throughout her whole pregnancy without puking it up at least once was orange juice (extra pulpy) and Domino's barbeque pizza, and you best bet that got old quick.

Thankfully, the birth went smoothly. He was for sure born in early, early summer---like the time when it's still cooler and sort of rainy but also sunny at the same time.

I don't want to go so far as to say that Lo'ak was a demon-baby, but this child definitely gave Jake a run for his money. One minute he likes something and wants it, the next minute how dare you even so much as think about trying to feed that poison to him. One minute he loves being held, the next minute he's screaming and tears are falling and he hates you. With Jake he was like this all of the time. With Neytiri he was better, but still fussy.

I'm convinced that him and Neteyam were, like, so close when they were little and the only person that Lo'ak was an absolute angel to was in fact little one-year-old Neteyam. Whenever Neteyam was around he would smile and giggle and try to get closer. I swear, even as a baby Neteyam's charm was unparalleled.

Lo'ak has this binky that he had with him almost 24/7. Without it he was even more. . . er, challenging, than usual. And teething hit him hard as well. The amount of teething toys and biscuits this poor family had to go through, I swear.

Lo'ak, unlike the others, did not take to solids very well at first. The struggle to get this child to eat something, anything, that wasn't breast milk was so real you don't even know. Jake just let Neytiri take care of this one, it was clear he wasn't going to get anywhere. How she managed to get him to eat, Jake will never know (it was cinnamon applesauce, she coerced him with cinnamon applesauce).

Lo'ak had this particularly fun phase where he liked pulling on pretty much anything within reach and this led to him almost getting himself killed multiple times.

Whenever Neteyam cried, Lo'ak cried. Whenever Neteyam laughed, Lo'ak laughed. Sometimes when he was particularly exhausted Jake would do his best to get Neteyam in a good mood because if Neteyam was in a good mood, so was Lo'ak.

Despite how difficult Lo'ak could be,  there were these times when he would just cry and cry until Jake picked him up, and then he would just fall asleep while Jake held him. As much as Jake hated to admit it, it felt nice to walk around the house with a sleeping Lo'ak tucked to his chest.

Neytiri would often cook with Lo'ak strapped to her. He was her "little taste-tester".

I'm sorry this got so long my brain knows no bounds I swear I go so overboard sometimes 😭 Tuk isn't in this one because in my head I'm going chronologically btw.

I don't even think there is anything to add, anon. Just know I am crying?? Thank you so much for this genuine gift you have given me.

I LOVEEEE stay at home wheelchair dad Jake Sully he means the entire world to me. Jake being convinced Neytiri was joking about being pregnant??? Obsessed. WANTING TO TALK TO TOMMY?? Dead. FOSTER DAD NORM?? You can't convince me Jake and Norm didn't become friends through the foster system they were both in okay okay. And Norm and Tommy connected over their science shit and Jake was always trying to keep them from getting bullied too hard lol. Norm is a foster parent because he believes in fixing the system through it, Jake is more disillusioned. He was all skeptical of the idea at first, but boy did he get attached to Spider quickly. Neytiri and Jake's Spider speech kills me I'll die real tears. They're like oh shit actually... you can't have him. And the days before they can petition the court about it? So sad. Neteyam is a mess without his buddy. Kiri's vibes are simply flawless, and I love Mo'at making shit up to be there lol. DEMON BABY LO'AK, iconic, please. He tries to die so often. They have to baby proof the baby proofing on the house.

Please anon, this made my week, definitely send more.